i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
