return my video game
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize