That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
