She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
