How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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