yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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