I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
