just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
