You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
