No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
