Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
