now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
