I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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