One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
