Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
