He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
