Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
