your parents love me but you hate me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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