I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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