i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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