I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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