he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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