is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
