corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
