omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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