Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Alive.
So much puke
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
