you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
