I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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