Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
