shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
