What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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