Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
