so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
