batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize