OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
