i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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