I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
