What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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