:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
