she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
