think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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