The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
