and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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