Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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