i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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