I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
