Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
