someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize