i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize