Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize