i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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