i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
