mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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