I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
