were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
