He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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