i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
