she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
