I need to stop coming to work sober
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
