I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
