The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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