Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
