I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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