brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
