She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
