I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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