Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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