okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
