it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
