its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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