My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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