your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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