so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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